


Are you there, Cas? It's me, Sam

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Series: Brothers [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Coda, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sam Has Panic Attacks, Sam sees Cas as a brother, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 20:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8341147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: This is a coda to S12ep02 to address the the non-con scene at the beginning. What Toni did to Sam is NOT okay and it's long been my headcanon that Sam has been abused like this before by Lucifer. Reading the first part of the series isn't necessary but it will give more insight into this piece.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you LokiNeedsHugs1031 for also addressing this in your WIP.

Sam sat on the edge of his bed, exhausted more from his facade of functional human being than from the events of the past three days. “Cas? I know you said you wanted to give us time alone with Mom but...I need you. Can you come home, please?” He prayed aloud. He could have just as easily sent a text but this was too personal. He stood up and paced the room until there was a light tap at his bedroom door.

 

“Sam? What's wrong?” the angel asked as he crossed the threshold. 

 

Sam pulled a chair up to face the foot of his bed and gestured for Cas to sit. “I…” but he broke into a sob instead. He doubled over, burying his face in his hands and Cas moved to hug him, to comfort him. 

 

“I’m here, Sam. I told you, you are my brother now. Talk to me. Let me help you.”

 

Sam sniffled and took long, deep breaths as Cas soothed his hands over his back. For a big man he felt so small, so vulnerable. Physical torture he could take, even the bad acid trip to remind him of the pain and destruction his existence caused. He'd survived it all with Lucifer before. But this…

 

“She,” his voice still broke, “She was just like him.” He fought back another wave of tears. Cas tensed. He thought he knew what Sam was going to tell him. 

Just days earlier on their drive back, faced with a life without Dean, Sam had broken down and told him about how Lucifer had abused him and violated him. Cas felt fury rise up in him and the urge to smite that horrid woman burned the pit of his stomach.

 

“Did she...did she force herself on you?” Cas said the words for him. This imposing creature he considered his family seemed so small and fragile now. 

 

“Cas, she cast a spell on me. It was so real and she tried to make me think I wanted it but I didn't. I broke out of it but it's just too…”

 

“Too much like what Lucifer did to you.” Cas finished the sentence.

 

“I can't talk to Dean about this. He doesn't know about any of it. I don't want him to.”

 

“Look at me, Sam. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I know it's hard and I have trouble at times accepting that about myself over April, but he will not judge you. I promise you that.”

 

“I know, Cas. He’ll see it as a failure,  _ his _ failure, to protect me. He’ll try to take it all on himself.”

 

Cas sighed. It was a very accurate assessment of the elder Winchester. “We are a family. We can shoulder each other's pain.”

 

“I’m not ready for that. If we hadn't just talked...I don't think I could have told anyone.” He stood up and wiped his eyes. He went to the sink and wanted to splash some water on his face but the sound of it and the coldness made his stomach lurch. He hit his knees and hurled into the waste bin. 

 

Cas was knelt behind him in a flash. He wasn't sure what to do but he remembered the full body hug Bobby gave him and draped himself over Sam's back. He felt the man tremble beneath him. “I’ve got you, Sam.”

 

Sam dry heaved a couple times then sank back into the angel’s arms. He felt a hand caress his hair back and a moment of serenity took him over. “Did you just use grace on me?”

 

“Just for the nausea, Sam. I will never,  _ ever _ do anything to alter the state of your mind without your consent.”

 

Hot tears streaked down the side of Sam's face. “Thank you for that, Cas,” he whispered hoarsly. “Being able to talk to you, to have someone who understands, it means the world to me.”

 

“You and Dean mean the world to me. You are my family.”

 

“I don't know what to do. My mom is down the hall and I don't want her to see how broken I am but at the same time I just want to curl up with my head in her lap so she can tell me it will all be okay.”

 

“You have me. Any time you need me.” 

 

“Oh god, I'm being a dick. You keeping this secret...it's going to come between you and Dean. I don't want to do that.”

 

“I will worry about that. He and I may have a more profound bond but he must respect the relationship you and I have forged.” Cas changed positions so he could sit beside Sam. “And one day I will tell him what happened to me. He is overwhelmed at the moment. We all are.”

 

The sat in silence together for a few moments, Cas pensive and Sam trying to even out from his breakdown. “Does it ever get better?”

 

Cas put his arm around his adoptive brother. “For me it has. And confiding in you helped.” He searched for what to say next. “The support groups you spoke of...I could go with you.”

 

Sam finally smiled. “Maybe. For now it's just a two man support group, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Cas?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you. You probably don't hear it like you should but I wanted you to know that.”

 

“Thank you, Sam. I love you too.”

 

Sam put a hand on Cas’ knee. “He’ll say it too, someday.”

 

Cas just sighed.

  
  



End file.
